BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
I planned my Sardinia trip kinda spontaneous when I realised I had no vacations planned in the near future. My goal for this year was, the same as last year, to do 12 trips. This meant I had to book two more before the end of the year, I had no choice but to book Sardinia. ;) I’ve been to Sardinia before and I always wanted to go back. Back then I didn’t have my license and the roads are too cute and fun, so I really wanted to do a little fast & furious during a quiet, off season, period. Right after booking Sardinia I booked two months in Malaga for the winter, so I was actually focussed on that one more than Sardinia. When Sardinia came close, I decided to just let it all happen. You could say that this mentality might cause a lot of unexpected and therefore overwhelming situations. But having a strict plan can also cause a lot of stress. If I know what my triggers are, I can be prepared for situations when that might occur, and then still let the rest be go with the flow.
Being a fit girl now I wanted to continue with my gym mornings in Sardinia. I Googled and found one nearby. I decided to walk over and check it out and see if I could see myself going there every morning. Scope it out, before I make a complete fool out of myself in whatever way possible.
The people were friendly and the gym had a good open overview, so I felt comfortable. I decided to start my mornings by walking to the gym, spend an hour there, go have breakfast and slowly get ready to do an afternoon adventure. I started exploring close-by to get used to the area, driving, the roads, the people and my feeling in all of this. Every day I went a bit further but I kept my morning routine. My routine gave me energy and happiness and I used this to deal with whatever the day would bring.
I was reading an interesting article on the flight over, about introverts and extroverts. On how they differ with processing information in the brain. Reading this article* was a true eye opener. It helped with my perspective on the whole trip and to better accept how I am. I process new information rather slow, this slowed down the whole ordeal of getting my license for example. Absorbing new information and having to act instantly is very difficult for me, as I want to fully understand wat is being said to me first. I want to create a visual. But doing that whilst driving means your eyes and brain are not focussed on the road. It took 15 years longer and 4 instructors before I found one that understood that I process different. I do a lot and I’m pretty fast in a lot of different aspects of life, so processing information has always been an obstacle and something that got me upset about myself. Making a decision instantly on a new topic where I didn’t get to go over the information first, when somebody is waiting on my answer, is super overwhelming.
This article I was reading on my flight triggered me to do some more research about being introvert and HSP and I found a new term that I didn’t hear before; HSS. High Sensation Seeking, a trade that can be found in a Highly Sensitive Person. It was like I found myself, like a weight was lifted off of me. I don’t like to label, but you can imagine it’s nice to read that you’re not a weirdo. It could have saved me from years of feeling uncomfortable, having an unsettled nervous system in situations that were triggering to me. When I still was a smoll Rox and I didn’t know that the nauseous feeling in my throat was an unsettling nervous system. Here it was, written in clear letters; that it was unusual to have a combination of trades that are counter intuitive, but HSP - HSS was definitely an existing thing to have.
People often asked me why I do this to myself, travel while being HSP. Why I want to push myself into uncomfortable situations. Why I say yes on everything to later find out I want to go home. Why I want to go along with others, when I know it might be too intense for me. It’s because it lures me, I’m just too curious. But now I know I can follow my curiosity AND be packed and prepared for whatever overwhelming situation might occur. And if that happens, it’s all okay. For whoever can’t see that, you can’t sit with me.
You know, I even struggled with understanding myself on why I always had partners with ADHD. I thought that it was because I was raised with an ADHD sister, and although that might be true as it is familiarity, having an ADHD partner also satisfies my HSS!
Having all this new found info on myself made me feel more at peace. I had my morning routine, I faced the day. When I got overwhelmed I f*cked everything off and went to bed. In the morning I checked in with myself and my energy level and tried again! I didn’t feel like I was missing out, that it was a weird thing to stay in in the evening, to be afraid to go out to dinner alone, it was all ok. I could explain my behaviour to myself now which means I could inform other people as well. It is the comparison I made to the behaviour of the majority of people, where I could see that I function different. Although this was a solo trip, for every person I would meet or travel with from now on, I could explain with actual information why I function the way that I do. It was not just me and ‘ I don’t know why’ I am like this. All the people that told me to just act/ be normal, that told me ‘you can’t behave like that’, when I lost my normal functioning in an overwhelming situation. I’m sad I can’t go back in time, to share this info and help myself. I can’t go back, so I’ll move forward and call it growth.
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